Renewed Hope

The last few months have been, well, HELL. If I’m going to be brutally honest. Not many people knew the silent battles I was going through. My life coach and husband were truly the only ones who somewhat knew about them

When you have lived your entire life in toxicity, you kind of become used to it. You begin to believe the lie that you really arent worthy and that your life doesn’t matter. All because a few bad apples have put you in this mindset.

I was in a dark season and allowed what people were saying about me define my worth. Yea I know I should of known better but after a while of picking on the same wound over and over again, you kind of break and I was at my breaking point. I knew something needed to change. I knew I needed help which I was getting but nothing seemed to be working. I had no desire to pray, read the word, go to church, fellowship with those who loved me. I couldn’t sleep at all. My mind was constantly racing. It was constantly in a state of panic. I had checked out. I wasn’t myself and I did not like the person I was becoming.

I began to cry out to the Lord. I prayed and asked Him to set me free. I didn’t know what else to do or how else to pray. It was actually a scary place to be in, one I was not familiar with. The last time I felt this hopeless was before I came to Christ, I had never felt this way while being in Christ!

But God is so good! He began to bring people into my life, to speak life. To speak the word over my husband and me (the importance of COMMUNITY but that’s for another blog post). I was so grateful but still no change. It was a Friday morning, woke up feeling so helpless and I cried out to God to please set me free from this.

That weekend was a busy one as usual. Went to church that Sunday as usual and I just couldn’t worship the way I normally do. I couldn’t even lift my arms. I was exhausted, weary, drained and all I did was cry.

I was with the kids ministry after worship and prayed with people during altar call and this heavy weight was on me that I had to sit. I just couldn’t stand anymore. And one of our Pastors came up to pray for me. He spoke words that only God knew. He said things so personal that I have never told anyone about. How I felt. The burden. The weights I have been carrying for so many years, that I thought I had to carry were taken off that day.

The Lord finally had set me free! I had renewed hope. I felt like I can finally breathe. I feel like what the book of Isaiah said in chapter 40:31 “But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary, and they shall walk, and not faint” (Had I not been in a community of loving people who spoke the truth, this would have never happened)

The Lord had renewed my hope, joy and peace. The word of God says cry out to me and I will respond. We can’t grow weary in crying out to the Lord with a humble heart. You see God will never reject a broken and contrite heart. He will never reject a heart that truly is seeking Him and loves Him. He is so faithful to deliver His servants. So if you find yourself in this place. Seek out help. Don’t be ashamed. Find someone you can trust. Find a good church where the spirit of God moves powerfully. You are not alone and you are not the only woman or man of God that has ever felt this way. David was troubled and battled deep despair. Elijah was discouraged, weary, and afraid. Jonah was angry and wanted to run away. Job suffered through great loss, devastation, and physical illness. Moses was grieved over the sin of his people. Jeremiah wrestled with great loneliness, feelings of defeat, and insecurity. Even Jesus Himself was deeply anguished over what lay before Him.

It’s silly for us to think that just because we are men and women in the Kingdom of God, that we will not go through certain things and will need deliverance from them. One thing I have learned is that the deliverer always needs a deliverer, the prayer warrior needs someone to pray for them and the encourager needs someone to encourage them as well.

If you are reading this, know that I am praying for you! Praying the Lord will shed light in any dark areas in your life. That He will send someone to deliver you. Someone that will pull you out of the pit! Jesus loves you oh so much and I love you too! Be encouraged!

I leave you with these scriptures to meditate on:

Psalm 4:1
Hear me when I call, O God of my righteousness!
You have relieved me in my distress;
[b]Have mercy on me, and hear my prayer.

Psalm 5:1
Give ear to my words, O Lord,
Consider my [b]meditation.

Psalm 102:1
Hear my prayer, O Lord,
And let my cry come to You.

Psalm 34:18
The Lord is close to the brokenhearted
and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

Isaiah 40:31
But those who wait on the Lord
Shall renew their strength;
They shall mount up with wings like eagles,
They shall run and not be weary,
They shall walk and not faint.

Blessings, Kathy

You can send your prayer requests to livingwellwithkathy@gmail.com